Being Invisible 2.0; From Surviving to Thriving!

Being Invisible 2.0; From Surviving to Thriving!

Hello readers! 

In this blog I tell you everything about the start of my next chapter of my mental health journey and what being Invisible 2.0 means, also I give you an insight of my current mental health and share my daily routine.

From Surviving to Thriving 

Maybe you noticed that I don’t blog a lot anymore, only one blog last year. Obviously I’m busy with work, but there is another reason, which is I don’t feel fully committed to simply because I want to move on to the next chapter. Not forget about it, or even remove my posts, but I want to move forward with a more thriving mindset instead of only surviving. 

The main focus will be still mental health, and no I’m not cured all of the sudden. I still deal with flashbacks, anxiety and sometimes panic attacks, but I feel a lot better equipped with the tools I possess to deal with these bad moments. They are just moments and they absolutely suck, but they have less control over me. Anxiety is no longer my anxiety, but just anxiety. It travels with me wherever I go, but it’s not me. It’s just there and sometimes it shows up or not.  

In 2020 I managed to reduce my therapy sessions from weekly to biweekly. I discussed it with my therapist and  It felt like the right time, I trust my instinct and it was telling me to make this step. I was quite surprised myself that I felt this way because it’s not the most easy time for all of us right now. Covid19 makes it impossible to travel and with the game studio we’re all working from home since March. Also, as some of you know I broke my elbow just before Covid started. 

I had surgery in the week that Covid became a worldwide crisis. That was quite the experience, I was lying in the hallway because they had to figure out in which room they could put me. My elbow was really messed up, doctors blocked the nerves to reduce the pain in the first 12 hours after surgery, unfortunately I still needed morphine, but I don’t want to know how much the pain was If I didn’t go for the nerve blockage. 

The doctors put a metal plate inside and now I have a cyborg arm haha.

Fortunately I have most of my elbow movement and reach back, by intensive training. I wish I had a really awesome story about how I broke my elbow, but I slipped on a small ice patch while I was going out for brunch. Week before I was in the mountains and did some crazy hill climbs and nothing happened. 

Anyway even with all those shenanigans going on it didn’t stop me from still enjoying my time here in Canada. I mean not everyone has the opportunity to move to a foreign country for work and do what they love. It’s sometimes challenging with a history of self isolation to go through this time, but I feel much better equipped. I might be alone, but I don’t feel lonely. I have a lot of friends, coworkers all over the world. Building structure in my well-being, helps me more than ever. 

Daily meditation with the Headspace app, breathing exercises using the OpenMind App from my therapist and journaling keeps me focused. My journal changed a lot over time because obviously I changed and from the feedback I got in therapy. It’s like game development, iterating never stops 🙂 So these days I add small wins that grow my self-esteem. It’s like a level system: + when I do something good, like make my bed in the morning or – when I don’t eat in time. This is my motivation to make my bed in the morning:

Finally I dedicate a section to the things I’m grateful for. Usually I have about 3 to 5 things I write down. From being grateful for the work I do to going out for a walk with a friend. 

Also a book I read “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle, which is a gift from my brother had a big impact on me. Yes there are difficult moments, but being able to observe and go back to the now, feels almost like a super power! 

In general I read more books now. Currently reading “My Life in Lasers” by Gareth Emery and almost finished with “Start with Why” by Simon Sinek. If you’re reading any books, let me know in the comments 🙂 

Sleeping is still a bit of a challenge, but I noticed recently that I sleep better with ASMR. Just pop on my headphones in bed and listen to some ASMR to slow down my brain. I sleep most nights for 7 hours and before that it was closer to 5 hours. So that’s quite significant. Also, still practising EFT (not the game) to create a ‘safe’ environment before I go to bed. 

Almost at the end of this blog, I know you’re wondering so what about Being Invisible 2.0?!  Do you become more invisible? Haha no quite the opposite, but it gives me closure for this blog, and I can work on the next chapter! Maybe at some point I move forward with a name change, but for now it’s fine as is. 

Thank you for reading and I hope you’re doing well. Take care! 

Jeroen van Werkhoven Twitter Instagram

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